Moving after staying still for so long is a struggle.

More accurately, moving without a set purpose. I planned for this vacation, a time off from everything that my life is and always will be, but I never really thought of what to do. Today, on the day that I’m supposed to be out and about, I spent the morning leaning over my phone and looking up “fun thing near me” on Yelp. I sipped on my watered-down root beer and snacked on a platter of Chex Mix while swiping past boring advertisements and far too-expensive getaways.

I don’t when but I got up, put on a coat, and left my apartment. No use sitting when it was obvious that I was wasting away my hours. I walked for maybe half an hour, not really focusing on anything or vying for a specific location. The sun wasn’t out, it was cold, and my feet hurt. But I didn’t turn back because then I’d just be back in my apartment, doomscrolling on Yelp, Eventbrite, and then somehow end up on TikTok for hours until the next day. 

I picked up a glittery rock on the sidewalk. There are these gold-like flecks on it. I was told when I was a kid not to pick up things on the sidewalk but I guess this will be a vacation from social norms too. It’s pretty and probably worth nothing but the little kid part of my brain likes to marvel at it. I held it, felt the weight, and tossed it from one hand to the other. It’s jagged and I think I scratched my hand on it. After that, I pocketed it.

I got some travel stuff from a store. I want to get out of the house, officially, tomorrow. The store’s supplies are pricey but it’s supposed to be all “local” and I always told myself I’d support local businesses. I got distracted, though, and ended up getting random stuff. A keychain that’s a sword through a snake and some wooden figures. I told myself that I’d get into art again with the wooden figures. I have no excuse for the keychain. 

I left, 80 dollars lighter, and walked back to my apartment just as the sun was going down. I lay down on my couch as soon as I dropped everything on the coffee table and scrolled through TikTok until I fell asleep